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Brand New Book By Joseph Harris Available. "More Rantings and Ravings From
Brother Ritechus N Dignation"
$6.00 donation includes postage and you can get a copy on the way today. Request a copy
at joharris@comcast.net. Make check or money order to Joseph Harris.
The Rantings and Ravings of Brother Ritechus N Dignation
Who is Brother Ritechus N Dignation?
Brother Ritechus N. Dignation is a down home country preacher and a right likable
guy. He speaks his mind without mincing words, yet never in a caustic way. He complains, but also commends. He castigates
the pulpit as well as the pew. He preaches, but then picks in fun. Mary Poppins said “A spoon full of sugar makes the
medicine go down” and Brother RND usually gives just enough sugar to make the medicine bearable. You may not always
agree with him, but then as Brother Ritechus himself might say, in his “down South“ way, “Well, you’re
just on the wrong side of the fence.”
October 3, 2007
Church Bones
There is one subject I have always wanted to preach on: bones.
I have heard a few scattered thoughts on church bones over the years, but now offer my wisdom on this matter. There
are lots of bones. There's chicken bones, ham bones, lazy bones and bones of contention. Then there's neck
bones, jaw bones, nose bones, tail bones, wish bones, funny bones and knuckle bones. And don't forget "dem dry
bones" of Ezekiel.
Brother Paul once told Brother Timothy that in every house, there
are various vessels, some honorable and others that are not so honorable. Some are made of wood, some of clay,
and some of gold or silver. Every church also has many different kinds of bones. The following is a partial list
of church bones, some of which are honorable, others not so honorable.
(1) In every church, there always seems to be some Jaw Bones.
They are always a jawin' about something. With a tongue that runs faster than the Mississippi River, these jaw
bones slander, hurt, tear down and destroy purt' near everthing the church tries to do for the Lord. Samson used the
jawbone of an ass to slay the Philistines,and the devil sometimes uses the same to kill the character of good people, especially
the character of Godly preachers.
(2) Then there are the Funny Bones. These bones are
not a detriment, as the Jaw Bones but help to keep things together in the church. They are happy believers,
full of the joy of the Lord. They spread joy and sunshine and make the bad bones bearable. These good folks always
look on the "Sonny" side of life, refusing to be discouraged and encouraging those who are down, binding the wounded and
lifting up the fallen.
(3) The Tail Bones are next, sometimes known as the Lazy
Bones, cause they usually just sit on their tail and don't do nothin'. These bench warmers make great pew quarterbacks,
always able to tell how things should be done, but with 'nary a bit of participation on their part. If left
up to these goldbricks, the church would close its doors in a month from lack of workers, tithers, and participation.
(4) Nose Bones are found in every church. These snoopers
can't keep their long noses out of other people's business. They are tale toters and busy bodies, volunteering their
advice when not asked and always eager to hear and tell the latest bit of news, with no regard to truth. They traipse
up and down the community and keep the phone lines hot with their malcious tales and hurtful innuendos (you didn't know I
knew that big word, did you? I'm edumacated).
(5) Well, my Pappy taught me that it's always good to end on
a positive note, if possible, so I have saved one of the good bones for last: the Back Bones. Just as you can't
stand up without the support of your backbone, so churches must have the backbones for strength to carry on the Lord's work.
These Back Bones, take a stand for God, show up faithfully, tithe, love, pray, forgive and win souls to Jesus. They
go the extra mile, seldom complain (and repent when they do), sacrifice for the Lord's work and support their preacher.
God bless these Back Bones.
Now which bone are you?
Joseph Harris is the Vice President
of Southeastern Baptist College in Laurel, MS.(This article may be reprinted in whole, as long as the name Joseph Harris
and www.miniedition.net also appear)
February 15, 2007
Sermon of Conglomeration
Let's talk about preachers. Why not?
Ever' body does on Sunday at the dinner table after church. Let's just make it official. When it comes to preachers
and preachin', there's all kinds. I know some short preachers, tall preachers, fat, skinny, and even a few handsome
preachers. I've also met some ugly preachers. I've heard some good preachin' and I've heard some sorry preachin'.
I've endured long sermons and enjoyed short ones.
Here's a word of the wise to preachers.
Bale your hay. That's what old Brother Gerald Kellar taught us preacher boys at the institute. Stand up,
speak up, and shut up. The direct result of hay not baIed is long sermons. I remember once in preachin' class,
one fellow preached so long, half the class left out to go get a haircut. Not to be outdone, a preacher
boy got up the next week, preached longer, so Brother Kellar started shaking his watch in the air.
He never got the message. The next time he preached, Brother Kellar brought a calendar and tore pages out during the
sermon. To quote my wife, Sister Ritechus N Dignation, "The mind can only absorb what the bottom can endure."
The most classic mess of a sermon I ever heard came
from Archibald T. Purvis. He preached what I call a sermon of conglomeration. From the best of
my memory, it went something like this:
"Open your Bibles to the book of
Genesis while I preach to you about a man named Adam. God made Adam and put him in a garden and he worked until he got
tired, then fell alseep. While he was asleep, an enemy came and sowed tares in his field. When he awoke,
he wist not that his strength was gone from him. So he left the garden-uh, and went into a far country and there he
married 700 wives and 300 concubines. Then began great tribulation-uh. Can I get an amen-uh? Now I want
you to know-uh, that he met a man named Noah, who took him for a ride on his boat-uh. And while he was on top of the
boat, a great whirlwind came and knocked him off the boat and he fell into the water and was swallowed by a great fish-uh.
And he remained in the belly of the fish-uh, for 40 days and 40 nights-uh. Then the fish-uh was caught in a net, and
the net began to break-uh and the fish spit him out-uh and he fell on top of Peter who was praying on a roof, and he got tangled
up in a great sheet-uh. He then fell out of the sheet-uh into a bottomless pit-uh and remained there for 1000 years,
until he was loosed for a little season. He then went to the city of Gadara, and there wandered among the tombs
forever-uh and ever-uh. Amen."
Now that's apostolic preachin'. The apostles
went every where preaching the gospel. So did Archibald. He started in Genesis, than went everywhere preaching
the gospel. Preacher, you may wax eloquent in long sermons, but more than likely, your just repeatin' yourself and probably
are just a legend in your own mind. Bale yor hay. (Thanks to
Mrs. Sofilthy McNasty for inspiration of my conglomeration from the "parable" she often quotes in her program) Joseph Harris is the Vice President of Southeastern Baptist College
in Laurel, MS.(This article may be reprinted in whole, as long as the name Joseph Harris and www.miniedition.net also appear)
(This article may be reprinted in whole, as long as the name Joseph Harris and
www.miniedition.net also appear)
Rudeness
I’m fired up…..again. There’s some things in life I can do without: a car
wreck, the measles, rap music, and rude people. I want to focus on that last one, rude people. Rudeness has almost become
a badge of honor in society. Sometimes I wonder if some folks don’t try to be as rude as possible. There ain’t
never no reason for being rude, ugly or condeeesending to others. We are all created in God’s image. Why I’ve
been around some people, Christians at that, who treated me like a piano at a Cambellite convention (for you young’uns,
a Cambellite is a member of the Church of Christ).
Now let’s talk about preachers. Why not, ever’body does every Sunday after church
at the dinner table. Let’s just make it official. I remember one particular preacher who left a mark on me early in
my ministry. I ran into a preacher brother in town who was having lunch with a man I’ll call Brother Rude. As I talked
with my friend, he introduced me to this other brother. The guy didn’t speak to me or acknowledge that I was even standing
there. He just gave me a look and kept eating. I spoke directly to him and forced him to look at me again, but he never uttered
a syllable. He just kept chowing down. Not only was he rude to me, he could have used some table manners on how to act at
the trough. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and just figured maybe I wasn’t a big enough fish in the ‘So
sa shun for him to swim with. I always wondered if he treated his sheep this way.
Then there’s the folks who are paid to be nice to you, but treat you like last months
buttermilk. Clerks, tellers, cashiers, waiters and waitresses and others, all come under this category. I was once served
a sandwich at a café that had a chunk of mold on the bun as big as a three inch flat washer, plus, the meat was cold as a
two day old tater. I called the waitress over, showed her the excuse for a sandwich and asked for another. She took it back,
returned with another and doggone if it didn’t have some mold on it. When I called her back, she looked at me, snatched
the sandwich , brought me a third one and began to walk away. I stopped her and said, “Hold on. Aren’t you even
going to say you’re sorry?” She never did.
I have to remind myself of my Christian duty to these folks. It’s called forbearance.
As I said at the beginning, there’s never a call to be rude to anyone, even when they’ve been ugly to you. If
that person is lost, then we need to be an example. If they claim to be saved, well, one of us ought to act like a Christian.
Brother Ritechus N. Dignation
Things That Just Rip My Gizzard
I have a list of things that really get next to me. I mean these things just
chap my hide, rip my gizzard and generally hack me off. Everyone probably has a list like this. Ever' once in
a while, it's good to blow off a little steam, so here are some things that are on my hit list.
(1) Church Fundraisers- The Lord's got a plan for financing His church and her
ministries. That plan don't include selling donuts, having spaghetti suppers, holding car washes and rafflin' off the
family dog. God's plan is called the "open your wallet and give cheerfully" plan. Church members ought to tithe
and give above the tithe for special things. If the young'uns want to go on a trip, the church ought to be
able to take care of it, instead of sendin' them traipsin' up and down the streets sellin' junk that nobody wants to buy anyway.
Why, if ever'body in every church just tithed, the church would have to hold special meetin's just to figure out how to use
all the extra money for the Lord's work.
(2) Unfaithful Church Workers- The sorry way in which elected workers treat the Lord's
work is a shame. I've seen Sunday School teachers not show up and never tell 'nary a soul they weren't coming.
I've seen committees elected to take care of important business (any business for the Lord is important) and never hold the
first meetin'. If they performed on their money payin' job the way they work for the church, they would be fired before
noon on Monday. The Lord's work is not second rate.
(3) Stingy Church Treasurers- Let me explainify. I'm talkin' about treasurers
who treat the church's money as their own private stash. In one church I pastored, the treasurer had a coniption
every time the church voted to spend a penny. The church once voted to spend $50.00 on needed supplies. When I
went to the money man for a check, he balked, turned red in the face, wrote the check and threw it at me. I considered
givin' him a holy slap, but declined. The church voted to spend that money. Well, he later resigned
and we commenced with spendin'.
(4) Dead Preachin'- Nothing is harder to endure than dead preachin'. Old Brother
E. M. Bounds used to say, "Dead men preach dead sermons, and dead sermons kill." I know a preacher who literally puts
the congregation to sleep. His people say church is where they get their best nap. Late one
night, one of his members couldn't get to sleep, so she called up this preacher and asked him to give her a little
devotion on the phone. She was snoozin' in no time. Now, I know what your thinkin', and No, the preacher
don't have to rant, rave, yell, stomp, snort and foam at the mouth to give some good preachin'. Ever'body's
different. But every preacher ought to be excited and enthusiastic about his message. And folks
can tell if you ain't.
Now send me a list of your gripes.
Brother Ritechus N. Dignation
(This article may be reprinted in whole,
as long as the name Joseph Harris and www.miniedition. net also appear)
THE GREAT OMISSION??
I’m fired up! I just read a most disturbin' thing. It got me as depressed
as a skunk who’s just run out of stink juice. It seems there's this fellow preacher who don’t believe
lost people need savin'. And he's pastor of a Baptist Church over in Alabamy. He claims
his mission is not to get people ready for eternity, but help folks in the here and now. He is a part of the Cooperative
Baptist Fellowship, a bunch of liberal Southern Baptist churches. He's at odds with the conservative SBC leaders, since
they’re tryin' to reach the Jews. He said it was con-dee-sending to Jewish people to try and convert them. Land
sakes alive, I thought it was compassionate. His church has even held joint services with a local Jewish synagogue.
And this guy’s a Baptist preacher.
Let me begin to straighten out this mess by quoting a Jewish rabbi I’ve read after
a whole lot. Rabbi Shaoul said, "This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus
came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief." I Timothy 1:15.
You might know this rabbi as Saul whose name was later changed to Paul. Now
folks, I’m not picking on Jewish people, but if you don’t have Jesus, whether Jewish or non Jewish, you don’t
have forgiveness of sins and a relationship with the Father. Period. Another Jewish authority said, "Neither is there
salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved." Acts
4:12 (Jesus is that name; verse 10).
What kind of Baptist songs do they sing in this church, if they don’t believe in
bringing folks to Christ? "We have heard the joyful sound, Jesus ??????????, Jesus ??????????."
"Pass me not, Oh gentle ???????????." "I love to tell the Story." OF WHAT? How do you sing traditional
hymns in a church like that? Might as well just switch to those non-offensive praise choruses.
Folks, when we cease to preach Jesus and Him crucified and risen for man’s sins,
all Bible teachin', spiritual work, and religious activities that follow, miss the mark. By the way, in the article
I read, he never did say that his mission was. I can tell you what his mission is without the Great Commission:
Nuthin'. Zip. Nada. When you throw out the Great Commission, you don’t have a mission.
Brother Ritechus N. Dignation
Church Splits
Well, another mission has just started up in our county. Another Baptist shingle is about
to go up. That would be all fine and dandy except for one little problem. This new mission is just like 90% of the other missions
started in Opulikus County; just one more Baptist split added to the pile. I know Baptists don’t have a monopoly on
splittin’ but we’ve about got it down to an art. Now firewood is supposed to be split and Bananas make good
splits, but I’ve seen very few church splits in my day that were profitable and ended up rising above the problems that
caused the split in the first place. To be fair, there have been a few that ended up well, but only a few.
There can be a reasonable cause for a split. Where real doctrinal error exists and the
erring ones won’t repent and get right, I can see a need for a separation. Trouble is, I can count on one hand splits
caused by doctrinal problems. On the other hand, and usin’ my toes also, I can name numerous splits based on power struggles,
opinions, baptistries, hot heads, buildin’ programs, women’s stockings, fellowship halls and one church here in
my home town of Slidbak split over a blue tick hound.
I know of one little split that can’t go forward because they are always livin’
in the past. They just can’t seem to get over how wrong they were done by the church they left behind 22 years ago.
They just keep diggin’ and stirrin’ in old feuds until their fight becomes the grudge of their children and their
young’uns never even darkened the door of the church their folks split from. It’s kinda like a dead mule that’s
been buried two weeks. If you dig him up, he’s gonna stink and if you keep diggin’ him up, he’ll smell worse
than the time before. Let dead mules lie, I always say. Folks need to learn to bury the hatchet…and not in the chest
of their adversary.
“Behold how good and pleasant for brethren to dwell together in unity” are
words of wisdom from King David, and believe you me, he knew about family troubles with his young'uns. The opposite is also
true. How miserable and horrible it is when they don’t.
The next time you get unhappy in church when somebody hurts your feelings, show a little
spiritual maturity and just get over it. We don’t need no more splits in Opelikus County, or anywhere else for that
matter.
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Reminiscin'
I'm fired up! I have a love/hate relationship with modern progress and technology. I love the convenience
and time saving(?) devices of today, but also realize the fast pace at which most folks live. Since we can do more with
modern inventions, we usually do, and therefore get too many irons in the fire. Most folks now days are going through
life faster than a greased pig on a cattle chute. Old Brother Vance Havner used to say that we would have to live twice
as long and three times as deep as our forefathers, to have the quality of life they had.
The older you get, the more you think about the "good old days", at least that's true with me. We have
forgotten to "Be still and know that" He is God (Psalm 46:10). We just need to be still and remember that there is a
God....Period.
Now don't get me wrong. I like the modern conveniences and refuse to give up my refrigerated air machine
(that's air conditioner to you city folks), automated leaf organizer (blower), and other fine gadgets. It's just that
we use things that save us time, but then never have all that extra time in the end. Even though I'm not as old as dirt,
I can still remember simpler times, so pardon me while I think back a few years.
I remember dinner on the grounds at church and fannin' the flies off the fried chicken that was settin'
on the homemade tables nailed between oak trees. I loved squirrel huntin', driving on dirt roads and ridin' in
the back of a pickup. Headlightin' rabbits(whoops) at night was hard to beat. The only thing better
was eatin' the rabbit, southern fried. Runnin' trot lines for catfish and swimmin' in the creek (thats "crik" if you're
shore enough backwoods) was hard to beat in the summer. I did not like but endured haulin' hay and working in chicken
houses to earn money for the fair that came to town every October.
I remember 'mater gravy and biscuits, sweet 'tater pie, and butter beans picked, shelled and cooked by
lunch time. I loved going to Grandma's house and singin' school at church with Stamps Baxter books and shape
notes. I miss kids who say Ma'am and Sir, chasing cows and gettin' chased by bulls, and firecrackers at Fourth
of July and New Years. I liked decent country music( not the honky tonk, barroom, cheatin' blues), playin' Monopoly
and Old Maid with my brothers and sisters and cornbread dressin' and grits.
I recall usin' an outhouse a few times and drawin' water from a well. I remember being sick and having
a rag tied around my neck with Vick Salve on it, taking Black Draught(same effect as Castor oil) and having my tonsils mopped
with mineral water. I also recollect visiting the old timers in our community, both men and women, who dipped Garret
snuff and spit in the fireplace, if the spittoon was not handy. I remember Mother cooking Sunday roast with her apron
on and Daddy with a cane pole in the water. I also remember old fashioned singin' in a country church and Daddy
baptizin' with one arm, cause that's all he had.
Oh, for the good ole days. Now what do you remember? Brother Ritechus
N Dignation.
(This article may be reprinted in whole, as long as the name Joseph Harris and www.miniedition.net
also appear)
Fire and Brimstone Preachin'
I like to get fired up! Most folks say I stay
fired up, but I like to get fired up with some good preachin'. Now good preachin' to me is an old fashioned tell-it-like-it-is
sermon in plain English that demands action. For those young'uns that don't know what I'm talking about, let me try
to explainify it. I like it when the preacher says that Heaven's sweet, hell is hot and sin is black. Three points
and a poem don't get it, in my book.
My Great Grampa preacher, Thaddeus Behuskus Mitchell, had a name for
this style of preachin'. He called it barnstormin', window rattlin' shingle pullin' preaching. Now let me also
add that not all stompin' and snortin' is preaching. I don't mean a man has to yell to the top of his lungs......but
he ought to be excited about his message. Not ever'body is the same. Some are a little louder than others, but
every preacher ought to have fervor in his preachin'. One old time preacher was asked why so many people
came to hear him and he said that when he climbed into the pulpit, he just caught on fire and people came to watch him burn. A
sermon needs to be Scriptural with sound doctrine, but the preacher needs to moved also, or
the people won't be. If the message don't speak to the man of God, it won't speak to the people of God or the sinners.
I like to hear a preacher with fire in his gizzard.
The preachin' also needs to be pointed. Folks need to know the
preacher is talkin' to them, not the people who aren't there. And he should call a spade a spade. Pink tea
and lemonade sippin', sissy britches preachers make people comfortable in their sins and few get converted. A preacher
ought not to beat people up, but should be brave enough to preach the whole counsel of God, and then let the Spirit do the
beatin'.
Some folks say we should change so as to reach people. Dadgum
right. We need to change BACK to some hell fire and damnation preachin'. Sin is still sin. It's not a mistake,
bad choice or alternative to holiness. It's sin and God still hates sin.
Of course, that's just me. And who am I but a lone voice ranting
in the wilderness. Brother Ritechus N Dignation.
(This article may be reprinted in whole, as long as the name Joseph Harris and www.miniedition.net
also appear)
Spoiled Young'uns By Brother Ritechus N Dignation
I ain't never seen the beat for spoiled young'uns as found today.
"Give Up and Give In" is the philosophy of most parents.......and grandparents. Such foolishness has spawned
a generation of criminals. By the way, you don't have to be behind bars to be a criminal. Spoiled means ruined
or rotten and I've seen some kids who are more rotten than three day old warm buttermilk.
There's a lot to be said for the good ole days when
parents knew how to be parents and deal with kids properly. Remember that old school
days poem? "School days, school days, good old golden rule days. Readin' and writin' and 'rithmatic, taught to
the tune of a hickory stick" used to be well known. Now days, you'd be singing to the tune of a lawsuit, teacher or
parent, if hickory was still the motivator.
There are tons of books on parenting, and ever once
in a while, a decent one based on the Bible pops up, but one out of a hundred can't undo the wreckage done by 99
sorry ones. Even at that, no book can replace THE BOOK on child rearing, the Bible.
Back in the 1960's, Dr. Spock was the rage, and since then, his descendents have multiplied.
Vance havner used to quote a little poem in his sermons that went
something like this:
Junior hit the meter man, Junior bit the cook
Aggressive behaviour thus displayed is found in the book.
Junior then pushed sister down and made her skin her knee
The section on sibling rivalry is found in chapter three.
Then Junior got in Grampa's room and fouled up his fishing line
Inquisitive behaviour is found in chapter nine.
So Grampa took his leather belt and laid Junior across his knee
Cause Grampa hadn't read a book since 1963.
Physical enforcement on children
is not only not wrong, it's downright effective. Time after time, I've seen little knee biters kick, scream and cry
to get their way, with nary a wet eye, yet their crying sounded real. Time after time, I've heard mothers count to three
10 times only to watch the child dare Mom to do something (By the time Mom gets to three, my wife could have done put 10 stripes
on those legs). Oh well, Junior may not mind but, at least he will learn to count, which should come in handy
counting the loot when he later robs a bank.
The meanest look you'll ever get from other parents
and grandparents is when you take a switch or paddle to your young'un, but you just tell'um like I once did, "You raise your
heathen your way, I'll train mine God's way." Train up child in the way he should go: and when
he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6. Nuff said.
Your Sunday Best
I’m fired up again. I mean I’m really stirred up. I just came from church, but from the way folks
were dressed, you would have thought we were at the county fair. Last week, I attended a funeral and the dearly departed was
dressed better than the bereaved. I’ve seen folks dress better for a hog call’in.
It used to be that people took pride in themselves and dressed up for church, weddings, funerals and other
special occasions. Now anything goes and nobody bats an eye at the sorry and ungodly way folks cover their hide (or don’t
cover, in some cases).
Now I know the old argument “What’s on the inside is more important than what’s on the outside”,
is technically true, but the label on a can also tells you what’s inside. My wife used to buy those unlabeled, dented
cans for a quarter at the grocery store, but I got tired of eat’in cat food casserole. What’s on the outside is
pretty important in my book.
My wife and daughter went to a bridal shower where the bride and other guests wore tacky jeans and shorts.
They were out of place in their nice skirts and dress shoes. People tell me to loosen up cause times have changed. Dadgum
right and that’s the problem. A sense of propriety, pride and decency have been lost in this generation and no one seems
to care or notice but old fogeys like me. We’ve come a long way, baby, but we’re going in the wrong direction.
Nakedness in public is the norm, and not just from the younger folks. I see older people who know better,
showing way too much skin, from top to bottom. Mothers and Grandmothers ought to be ashamed for leading young girls astray.
The Bible says the older women are to teach the younger and brother they’ve done exactly that, but they have put the
emphasis on modern apparel and not modest apparel.
And preacher, dress up. Comb your hair, tuck in your shirt and put on a tie. It ain’t gonna kill you
to look professional. After all, you can’t out dress your calling. Brother Ritechus N. Dignation.
Offended Folks
I’m fired up. I just heard about a school over across the lake in England that’s got a real problem. Seems
they are skittish about some children’s nursery rhymes. They are all in a stew over Baa Baa Black Sheep.
Apparently, it’s racist. Now when nursery rhymes that have been around for years and years start offend’in, then
it’s time to call the cuckoo truck. With tongue in cheek, just consider the following:
I’m more concerned about some real offenses that are actually in these rhymes. Baa Baa Black Sheep
also asks if you have any wool, and the answer is “yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.” Now how do you suppose
that wool got in those bags? It was trimmed off the sheep, which means they got a haircut, which means bald headed people
can now be offended. And I’m one of ‘em. That makes me mad as hornets.
And how about Jack Sprat who could eat no fat? That’s okay, but his wife could eat no lean, which means all
she eats is fat. It’s not hard to figure out she must be big as a house. As my old friend Cowlick used to say,
“That’s a lotta lard.” I take exception to that, and I’m hurt.
The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe had so many children she didn’t know what to do. Apparently, she did know what
to do. There’s no mention of a husband. That’s offensive to unmarried welfare moms who are siphoning off the government
treasure chest. Hey, they have rights too, you know. We should be sensitive. If they want to exercise their unbridled reproductivity
skills, we shouldn’t make fun of them with hurtful nursery rhymes.
I just think it’s high time we sharpened our sensitivity and started teach’in our kids a little more respect
and chunk those hurtful rhymes. What do you think? Brother Ritechus N Dignation.
This piece is the first written since the original book, "The Rantings and Ravings of Brother Ritechus N Dignation" came
out in 2001.
Flighty Preachers
Now what I’m about to say might make some folks mad, but only the ones who are guilty. My Grampa used to say, “If
you throw a rock into a pack of dogs at night, the one that yelps is the one that got hit.” So be careful if you yelp.
You just might give yourself away.
I ain’t never seen the beat as the number of preachers recently that change churches at the drop of a hat. Why, they
don’t even get moved in good before it’s time to rent another U-Haul. I heard of one preacher that didn’t
even stay long enough at one church to get mail. They always “feel led” to go to another church every year or
two. Apparently, God sure does change His mind a lot. Now I’m not say’in a man can’t have a short ministry
on certain church fields, but tarnation, 10 churches in 12 years don’t look impressive on the resumay.
I watched a program one time on TV that gave a top 10 list of reasons why people sell houses and move often. Well, here’s
my list for every pulpit committee, of the top 7 tip offs that your new pastor may not be stay’in with you long enough
to catch a cold.
Seven Ways to Know Your New Pastor May Not Be Staying Very Long
1. His second vehicle is a U-Haul truck.
2. His graduating seminary class voted him “Most Mobile”.
3. His picture is in the world book of records for pastoring in the most states, and you’re number 49.
4. He has more road maps than sermons in his sermon file.
5. His nickname in the local Baptist association is “Hot Wheels“.
6. He keeps an open account with U-Haul.
7. When he moves on the field, all he brings is a motor home.
Anybody can accept a church, but not all have the wherewithal it takes, to stay in times of adversity, discouragement and
dry spells. Hang in there, preacher. Do all you can, depend on God, and he’ll see you through. Why you might even make
it into your third year.
Brother Ritechus N. Dignation
Holy Real Estate
Seems like some churches today are more interested in temporal things rather than the eternal. A lot of time, money, effort
and fuss’in goes into land and buildings, particularly parsonages. The church parsonage, which was seldom heard of in
the old days, has become a sacred cow of today, with a lot of churches, but is now a dinosaur, in my humble opinion.
Some churches have wised up and now give a housing allowance to their pastor so he can rent or buy his own piece of dirt
and boards. Carnal church members are opposed to such “foolishness”, because in their words, “Well, nobody
gives me a housing allowance to buy my house. I have to work to come up with the money.” Well, if they just traded pants
with their pastor for one month, they would think differently when they realized he carries a bigger work load than them,
through the stress and burden of being on call 24 hours a day, not to mention visiting ’til he drops and putting out
fires while try‘in to “stay“ spiritual, prayed up and studied up for next week’s sermons.
Time and again, I’ve seen my brethren in their old age have nowhere to go, after giving their life to the Lord’s
work, living a lifetime in a company house called the parsonage. It might be a different story if churches paid enough for
them to squirrel away some money to buy a house, but ministry income usually provides just enough for the here and now, not
the hereafter and later.
Ask the preacher’s wife how she feels. Somehow, you can never feel at home when the home belongs to everybody else.
When you have to get a church vote to drive a nail or change the color of paint on a wall, somehow, a sense of belonging just
ain’t there. If a church does give up the parsonage and pay the preacher enough to buy a home, they give up some leverage
of authority over him. You see, if they vote him out, he doesn’t have to move out of “their” house, ’cause
he’s got his own. I suspect the power people in the church would oppose a housing allowance for this reason, as well
as the old “Our pastor has always lived in the parsonage” plea.
Somehow, folks get the idea that the parsonage preacher is gett’in rich, since he doesn’t pay rent, or utilities.
Believe me, from what I’ve seen, there’s never much danger of the average preacher turn’in a big profit
on ministry pay alone. If anything, he may have to turn to the dirty “S” word and supplement his income. I hope
some churches will open their eyes, kill the real estate sacred cow, provide for the man of God and get on with the Lord’s
business. And thank the Lord for those churches that already do. Brother Ritechus N. Dignation
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